The Fog of Needing Validation: When Approval Becomes the Air We Breathe
I was eight years old when I first felt the weight of needing to prove myself. After returning from Mexico, I was placed in a lower grade at school in Kansas. Surrounded by younger children, struggling to keep up, I learned something quickly: if I could just perform well enough—if I could get the grades, be the best, smile through it all—maybe I’d be worthyChapter 3-Growing up in….
That lesson followed me through every chapter of life.
It followed me into the classroom, where I earned straight A’s not for the love of learning, but for the fear of disappointing my parents.
It followed me into the office, where I strived for promotions and praise like my worth depended on it.
It followed me into relationships, where I bent myself to be whoever someone else needed me to be—just so I wouldn’t be left.
The need for validation became the fog I lived in.
When Affirmation Becomes Addiction
The fog of validation is tricky. It doesn’t scream like anxiety or paralyze like fear. It whispers.
“Say the right thing so they’ll like you.”
“Don’t mess up—they’ll think less of you.”
“Keep it together or they’ll see the real you and leave.”
It starts with innocent desire: to be seen, to be affirmed. But left unchecked, it becomes a hunger that can never be satisfied. Every compliment becomes oxygen. Every silence becomes rejection.
And the scariest part? We lose ourselves in the process.
The Soul-Tiring Consequences
The fog of needing validation doesn’t just exhaust our hearts—it distorts our identity. We start to measure our value by other people’s responses instead of God’s truth.
It makes us:
Say yes when we want to say no.
Hide parts of ourselves to keep the peace.
Apologize for existing too boldly.
Fear rejection more than we pursue obedience.
But here’s the hard truth that sets us free: Approval is not the same as love. And validation is not the same as belonging.
God doesn’t love us because we perform. He loves us because He created us—on purpose, for a purpose.
Breaking Through the Fog
There is a moment when we come face to face with this fog and realize: I don’t want to be known for being impressive. I want to be known for being real.
For me, that moment came slowly—after years of exhaustion, broken relationships, and striving for perfection. But one day, deep in the Buffalo Forest, when the fog around me mirrored the fog in my spirit, I finally cried out, “I surrender!”Prologue-The Forest-Mar…
And in that moment, I felt something shift. I no longer wanted to be enough for everyone else—I wanted to be whole in Christ.
That’s where the fog begins to lift.
Devotional Prayer
God,
You know how deeply I crave affirmation. You know the places where I’ve confused approval with love and applause with worth. I surrender my hunger for validation. Help me anchor my identity in who You say I am—not in the opinions of others. Remind me that I am chosen, accepted, and loved, not because of what I do, but because of what You’ve done. Teach me to breathe freely outside of performance, and let my soul find rest in Your truth.
Amen.
Journaling Prompt
“Where in my life am I seeking validation more than I am seeking God’s voice?”
Reflect on recent decisions, relationships, or moments where you felt the pull to prove yourself. What were you hoping to gain? What does God say about you in those same spaces? Write a response from Him to your heart.