The Fog of Losing Control: Learning to Breathe When Life Hurts

There’s a particular pain that comes when life stops obeying your plans. When the career shifts. When the diagnosis hits. When someone you love spirals. When the future you built unravels. The control you once clung to like a lifeline slips through your fingers—and all that’s left is fog.

I’ve lived in that fog.

I’ve lived it in a broken marriage.
I’ve lived it in a hospital waiting room.
I’ve lived it on the trail in the Buffalo Forest, when all I could do was cling to a tree and whisper, “I can’t do this anymore.” Illegal No More by Maria Anderson

Losing control doesn’t just disorient your steps—it disorients your identity. Especially when you’ve built your life around keeping it all together.

When Control Was My Comfort

For most of my life, control was my safety blanket. I organized, anticipated, performed, perfected. I believed if I was careful enough, spiritual enough, hardworking enough, I could protect myself and those I loved from harm.

But control is an illusion. And when it shatters, we face the truth we’ve avoided: we were never in charge to begin with.

That truth hurts. But it also heals.

Because when we release the myth of control, we begin to breathe again.

When the Fog Settles In

Losing control often leads to panic. The fog presses in. We grasp for answers, for timelines, for reassurance. And when they don’t come, we despair.

But the fog can be holy ground.

It’s in the fog that we learn to trust God—not because we see where we’re going, but because we’ve finally stopped trying to lead.

Like the Israelites wandering the desert, led by a cloud by day and fire by night (Exodus 13:21), we’re invited into a trust that doesn’t depend on visibility, but on presence.

Learning to Breathe Again

When you lose control, the temptation is to hold your breath—bracing for impact, for grief, for chaos. But God invites us to exhale.

To surrender what we can’t manage.
To release the outcome.
To let Him be the anchor when our plans dissolve.

Psalm 46:10 says, “Be still, and know that I am God.”
Not Be strong. Not Be productive. Just… be still.
That’s how we breathe again.

Devotional Prayer

Lord,
I confess that I’ve clung tightly to control, believing it could protect me. But now, in this fog of uncertainty, I’m realizing I never had control—I only had You. Teach me to rest in that truth. Calm the panic within me. When I feel lost, remind me that You are near. When I can’t see the path, help me trust Your heart. I lay down my expectations, my fear, and my need to manage outcomes. I choose to breathe again in Your presence.
Amen.

Journaling Prompt

“What am I trying to control right now that I need to surrender?”

Write about an area of your life where you feel anxiety from lack of control—whether it’s your health, relationships, work, or family. Then write a prayer of surrender, asking God to help you trust Him with what’s uncertain.